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False reports of sexual assault are rare. When your child tells you they have been sexually assaulted or raped, it is likely that they are telling you the truth. Avoid doing your own investigation or questioning their story. They may just need you for emotional support.  

You may be shocked to learn who the perpetrator was. You may want to ask, “Are you sure [name] did that to you?” It is normal to have questions, but it is important to ask them with care. 

Please do:  

• Get permission before asking questions. When your child is done sharing, ask if they are okay with you asking questions.  

• For minors, it is important to leave the questioning to the police. Call or go to the law enforcement agency in the area that the assault occurred. Minimizing how often your child repeats their story is the best for the report and their healing.  

• For survivors 18+, if they’re uncomfortable answering questions, don’t push for an answer. Adults have the right to report or not report their crime, and it is important that parents are supportive of their child’s decision.  

• Respect what they choose to share. As a parent, it can be traumatizing to learn every detail. Survivors being forced to share what happened can be traumatizing and embarrassing. It can also bring feelings of guilt and shame. The more they are asked to revisit their story, the more it may traumatize them. It is important to create a home environment where they can share details if they want to without obligation.  

• Ask how you can support them. You can ask, “Is there anything you need from me?” or “How can I support you?” 

• For minors: therapy, school accommodations, and supervised extracurriculars can be incredible healing tools. Encourage your child to pick positive healing paths and don’t be afraid to check in every week, month, or season to see how they’re feeling about their assault.  

• For adults: encouraging healthy coping skills will be the healthiest outlet. Therapy, new hobbies, and routine check-ins will help your child know that you care. If they live on their own, it may be helpful to offer to install locks on their bedroom doors or to help mount a security doorbell camera.  

Please Avoid:  

• Avoid “what if” and “are you sure” questions. Your child knows what happened to them. They lived through it. Questions like these may make them feel like you do not believe them. This can hurt the trust between you and create healing roadblocks. Healing roadblocks prolongs their trauma and pain.  

• Avoid sharing your child’s assault story with family members who are not involved. Sharing details with family members who are removed from this case can embarrass and isolate your child. Sharing this story without your child’s permission can create immense barriers to healing and jeopardize their criminal or civil case. Allow your child to share their story with family members on their terms. Encourage involved family members to keep your child’s story private.  

• Avoid dictating what they should do next. Each adult survivor has the right to choose what happens next. They may choose to report the abuse, pursue a restraining order, and/or speak with a counselor. They also have the choice to take no action at all. 

• Their body, their story, and their choices belong to them. 

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Spending time with friends, relatives, and loved ones who are supportive are great ways for a survivor to cope with traumatic events. Being with loved ones reduces feelings of isolation, stress, and fear for most survivors. It is important to encourage your child to continue doing what they love, seeing friends, attending birthday parties, and soccer practice.